In this critical three part teaching series, we will examine the sex drive... find out what it is, why we have it and how you can experience God's best for your sex life!
Let's Talk About Sex
Without a doubt, having sex is pure ecstasy on earth. But for some people, their sex drive has been their Achilles heel. It has landed them in a relationship or marriage from hell, in the divorce court, in jail, tagged as a sexual predator, on a gurney in an abortion clinic, or put them into the shameful position of being a carrier of HIV/AIDS or some other sexually transmitted disease.
For some women, their sex drive has caused them to have unwanted children. For some men, their sex drive has forced them to grudgingly pay child support to females they sorely despise. Still others, because of their sex drive, have lost their business, ministry, or political office. Some have lost everything... home, marriage, job, career, their children and their sanity. All over their desire to have sex!
There is no question about it, our sex drive is a powerful force. Was it designed to get us into so much trouble? Is our sex drive sinful? Only for making babies? Examine these vital irrefutable facts concerning our sex drive...
God is the creator of sex and of our sex drives.
Just like our natural desire to have food and drink, our sex drive is a God-given, built-in instinctive natural physical desire.
God set our sex drives in motion, not to torture us, or cause us agony or grief, and not just to pro-create but also to bring us pleasure and sexual fulfillment!
Our sex drive is neither dirty, shameful, or sinful anymore than eating food or consuming beverages is dirty, shameful, or sinful.
Our sex drive is a good thing!
The Day of Your Sexual Awakening
Like clockwork, there will come a time in every person's life, when they will experience their sexual awakening. That inevitable day will appear, most likely, without any warning or advance notice. Some may call it: going girl crazy, being aroused, horny, in heat, in lust, boy crazy, turned-on, having the hots for, on-fire, love jones, beside oneself, infatuated, or lovesick. Whatever they call it, that day will come and when it does, it will not only affect every fiber of that person's being, it will affect every single facet of their life - spirit, soul, flesh, financial and social.
Defining Our Sex Drive
What is our sex drive? It is the longing, desire and drive to satisfy our God-given sexual appetite. It is our natural need for sexual release, gratification, and fulfillment. Before a person's sex drive awakens, they must be aware of two things: how it works and what they are to do about it! We'll start by examining how our sex drive works, by looking at how it affects our flesh and soul, and we'll close with how sex affects our spirit.
How Our Sex Drive Arouses Our Flesh...
To describe the flesh as it relates to our sex drive, we first must dissect and come to understand how our flesh is aroused by our five physical senses. To arouse means to stimulate sexual desire in. Our flesh is aroused through...
Touching - a soft embrace, a gentle caress, the tingling sensation that takes place when a man and woman are groping, petting, fondling, massaging, holding hands, cuddling, snuggling, dancing together, etc. These are just some of the ways our flesh is aroused through touch, (See Song of Solomon 2:6)
Tasting - the sweetness of a kiss is a powerful aphrodisiac. For many, the kiss is the igniter that starts the fire burning, (See Song of Solomon 1:2). In Song of Solomon 4:11, Solomon's bride described their deep French kiss as tasting like a honeycomb and sweet milk. That was some kiss!
Smelling - talk about setting ablaze your sex drive, aromas have always been known to inflame the sexual desire in a person. Certain perfumes and colognes, the scent of a woman, etc., can be altogether intoxicating. In Song of Solomon 7:8, Solomon's bride described an intimate moment in which the aroma of her husband impassioned her.
Hearing - certain music, especially romantic love songs and poetry have been used since time and memorial to get a person in the mood for love making. Even the sound of someone's voice can be a seductive turn on, (See Song of Solomon 2:14)
Seeing -most of us are familiar with the phrase, "we fell in love at first sight!" Oftentimes that is all it takes to awaken a person's sexual drive! Males especially, are aroused sexually, primarily by what they see, imagine, and visualize, (See Judges 14:1-2 and Genesis 34:1-4).
Flesh Ties - When Two People Become One Flesh
Once a person's sex drive has kicked in, many people, without understanding what has taken place, immediately move to the next stage of progression, which is sexual intercourse. Here is a critical point you must understand concerning your sex drive. Read it carefully. Once you engage in sexual intercourse with a person, you become one flesh with them. After becoming one flesh with a person, you have established what is called a flesh tie. Contrary to popular belief, this person does not have to be your husband or wife. They could be a meaningless one-night stand, what people classify as a booty call or ho-hum casual sex partner. If you have sex with two, three or more people, you become one flesh with each and everyone of them...
I Corinthians 6:16 AMP [Emphasis added]
Or do you not know and realize that when a man joins himself to a prostitute, HE BECOMES ONE BODY WITH HER? The two, it is written, SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
Did you read that verse carefully? She could be a (pay by the hour prostitute) but once you have sexual relations with her, condom or not, you have established a flesh tie with a prostitute! The reality of the flesh tie becomes magnified when a person contracts a sexually transmitted disease. The disease in their sex partner's flesh has been transmitted to their flesh through their flesh tie. Of course everyone can see that female has had or has a flesh tie when she becomes pregnant, or if the relationship takes a turn for the worse and requires police intervention due to domestic violence. And finally, flesh ties become apparent if one partner wants to sever the sexual relations but the other refuses. At that point, that flesh tie will cause one or both individuals a tremendous amount of grief.
Your Soul Plus Sex Equals a Chemical Reaction!
Did you know that having sex creates a chemical reaction? Let me give you a brief chemistry lesson to help you grasp this next point. In grade school, one of the first chemistry lessons I learned was the one where we mixed baking soda and vinegar together in a bottle, placed a balloon over the neck of the bottle, and watched the chemical reaction as the liquid began to bubble, then fill the balloon with the newly created substance called carbon dioxide gas.
In layman's terms, a chemical reaction is a process in which substances, change into other substances, (i.e., vinegar + baking soda = carbon dioxide gas). The type of chemical reaction is based on the type of substances that are mixed together. The substances of your soul are your, (will, feelings, intellect, emotions and memory). The average person does not understand this: once you commingle the substances of your soul with sex, you unleash a potent chemical reaction. Read how your soul begins to change through this little known chemical reaction process...
Your Intellect - your intellect is your ability to reason, make judgment calls and think things through. Once you engage in sex, your ability to reason is completely altered! People will do things they never dreamed of doing once they start having sex. For example, there are married men who have fabulous wives, beautiful children and prosperous careers. Yet they will risk everything, marriage, children and career, for a few moments of sexual pleasure with a stranger or prostitute. Does their roll of the dice make any sense? Absolutely not! But that is just one of the many ways a person's sex drive can affect their ability to reason.
Your Memory - the memory of each sexual encounter becomes forever etched into your mind. And not just the sex itself but each kiss, touch and the chain of events that led up to the sexual encounter, such as: slow dancing, candlelight dinners, frolicking around, the chase, and the erotic conversations. To men, the visual effect of the sex act is like hermetically sealed photograph, especially if the woman wears some type of sexy lingerie, dances for him or does some type of titillating strip tease. The problems with these pleasurable memories are manifold. Here are a few examples... a wife measures the size of her husband's penis against one or more of her previous sex partners. Or a husband compares the frequency of sex he has with his wife against the amount of sex he received from his casual sex girlfriends and numerous booty calls. You can easily see how certain memories of previous sex acts can be destructive.
Your Emotions - the range of emotions created by sex can be endless. Anything from passion, anger, love, hatred and infatuation, to rage, fondness, bitterness, longing for a person you cannot have, possessiveness, and the list continues. Many people experience what I call the "after-sex infatuation." They become deeply attached to someone after having sex, when in fact, aside from receiving sex, the other person does not care about them. Many women experience immediate emotional attachment. The experience of opening up to and giving their body to a man, gives them a false sense of True Love. Other emotions emerge when a person discovers they have tested positively for a sexually transmitted disease or when a woman finds out that she is pregnant. Suddenly, what she thought was a stable relationship turns into a permanent disappearing act by her lover. Sex changes a person's emotions in more ways than I could ever articulate in this short article.
Your Feelings - sex creates physical sensations no other activity on this earth could ever duplicate. There are the euphoric feelings of sexual intercourse and the ecstasy of an orgasm, which are usually preceded by the pre-sex sensations of foreplay, (i.e., giddiness, heightened arousal, lightheadedness, sweaty palms, etc.) and finally, there is the afterglow! That indescribable, complicated, intense reaction experienced after sex, especially by women. The final substance of your soul is your will...
Your Will - this is the place where you decide to exercise self-discipline and self-control or a display a lack of discipline and no self-control. This is the place where a woman makes the decision to be virtuous and chaste or to become promiscuous and turn her body into a revolving door for sexually undisciplined males. It is here that a man decides to become a user and abuser of women or a protector and preserver of women. Once a person mixes the substance of sex with the substances of their soul, not only do they ignite this powerful chemical reaction but they also develop a craving for sex.
The Sexual Craving
I remember the first time I had Haagen Dazs ice cream. Whew! Prior to tasting it, ice cream was something I could do without, but once I had Haagen Dazs, that all changed. I developed an intense craving for their Pralines & Cream, Macadamia Brittle, and Butter Pecan. At one point, on any day of the week you could find four pints of Haagen Dazs ice cream in my freezer. My craving was so intense that I was eating a pint of Haagen Dazs every day and on the weekends, two pints a day! Sex is the same way, once you cross the line from being a virgin to having sex, something else happens, you develop a craving for sex and that craving is going to seek satisfaction.
That is the way God designed us. I have watched people get super-duper spiritual and claim they were going to pray away their craving. Friend, listen to me carefully, you can pray until the sun stands still but after you come out of your prayer closet, you are going to have to deal with your craving for sex. To crave means to have an eager or an intense desire for, to long for, and to yearn for. Of course that craving will vary with each individual. It will be more pronounced in some and less pronounced in others but one thing no man or woman can do is make their sexual craving go away!
In times past, man has tried some of the most absurd techniques you could imagine in an attempt to thwart or suppress their sexual cravings. Things such as wearing a male or female chastity belt. Becoming a nun or a monk. Torturing themselves by making rash vows of celibacy for the rest of their lives and chemical castration. Certain religious people have resorted to twisting the scriptures in an attempt to convince mankind that our sex drive and sexual cravings are shameful, dirty, and sinful in the eyes of God.
Not only were they dead wrong in their misguided religious zeal, they caused multitudes of people to live under the unbearable burden of a condemned conscience. Some denominations and religious organizations to this very day demand that their female converts cover their face and bodies from head to toe. They reason that as long as a woman is completely covered, she cannot tempt or sexually arouse a man. But one thing they fail to cover up or put a veil over is a man's vivid imagination. It is a known fact that it does not take much to get a man aroused.
And once a man experiences his sexual awakening, it is going to take a lot more than a veil or multiple layers of clothing to prevent him from getting sexually aroused. To say that a veil can make a man stop thinking about sex or wane his preoccupation with a woman's breasts, shapely buttocks, eye-catching facial beauty, salacious curves, and other feminine qualities is pretty absurd. That is like saying green peas can somehow make a 7-year-old child, who has been eating candy since he was 2-years-old, stop craving Reese's Peanut Buttercups, Skittles, M&M's, Twinkies, Ding Dongs, and Hawaiian Punch.
Clearly, it was God who created us this way. We, (humans) had nothing to do with God putting within us the desire to have sex. He was the One who gave us our sex drives. It was He who put in us our internal biological desire to crave sex. He is the one who put in us the capacity to become aroused, experience orgasms, and other pleasurable sensations. He was the One who made areas of our bodies sensitive to the touch. And He did not give us these pleasurable sensations to torture us or to bury us with a guilt-ridden conscience. He gave them to us for our enjoyment!
So the questions arise... how do we handle our sexual cravings and at the same time insure that we receive sexual fulfillment? If you don't know the answer to those questions, you are headed straight into the sexual danger zone.
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